Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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