Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
