and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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