meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
