chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
im holly from the hills drunk
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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