I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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