I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
