I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
