the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
