birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
