So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i just google imaged poop.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
