Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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