WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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