So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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