omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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