i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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