is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run