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• (517): View more from Michigan

  I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen

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• (574): View more from Indiana

  I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?

  (1-574): View more from Indiana

  Predator. Straight up.

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• (601): View more from Mississippi

  She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.

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  23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.

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• (520): View more from Arizona

  Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.

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  The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral

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• (707): View more from California

  You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?

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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.

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• (252): View more from North Carolina

  He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.

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• (806): View more from Texas

  Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room

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