thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.