Texts From Last Night

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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.

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  (414): hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me. http://tfl.nu/ash4
  Replies (21) Good night (1701) Bad night (657)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it

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  (978): Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it http://tfl.nu/f2y4
  Replies (10) Good night (1026) Bad night (602)
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  (310): View more from California

  It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.

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  (310): It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples. http://tfl.nu/vzvv
  Replies (14) Good night (2608) Bad night (987)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?

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  (678): My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family? http://tfl.nu/vek9
  Replies (72) Good night (1916) Bad night (7947)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her

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  (219): i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her http://tfl.nu/s6o1
  Replies (42) Good night (7937) Bad night (1275)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.

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  (206): He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful. http://tfl.nu/c0jh
  Replies (29) Good night (987) Bad night (3422)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.

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  (716): Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public. http://tfl.nu/lwyj
  Replies (16) Good night (1469) Bad night (3606)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?

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  (918): Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right? http://tfl.nu/jzhy
  Replies (2) Good night (2013) Bad night (668)
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  (731): View more from Tennessee

  Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.

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  (731): Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you. http://tfl.nu/9eaj
  Replies (8) Good night (2601) Bad night (838)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.

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  (978): there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point. http://tfl.nu/h06c
  Replies (4) Good night (604) Bad night (1205)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?

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  (917): This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case? http://tfl.nu/t5hu
  Replies (4) Good night (730) Bad night (317)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...

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  (617): A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain... http://tfl.nu/gy86
  Replies (4) Good night (1083) Bad night (395)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.

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  (954): We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens. http://tfl.nu/nlwp
  Replies (5) Good night (915) Bad night (393)
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  (530): View more from California

  Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa

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  (530): Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa http://tfl.nu/e36z
  Replies (4) Good night (315) Bad night (843)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets

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  (902): dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets http://tfl.nu/zyuz
  Replies (4) Good night (583) Bad night (268)

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