why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
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The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
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You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30