I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
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Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
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I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.