he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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