How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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