community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
