Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
