I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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