I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Two words: blizzard sex
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
