I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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