yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
