I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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