Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
