I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Fuck appropriateness.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
