the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Randomize
