Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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