I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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