Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
