I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
