we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize