True but thats because hes a fetus.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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