I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
When did angry sex become our thing?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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