You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
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And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
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He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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