Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
