My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
im holly from the hills drunk
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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