Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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