smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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