Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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