It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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