I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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