Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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