I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
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