the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
