I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
