I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
