five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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