my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
