you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
