If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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