You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
