Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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