Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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