Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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