was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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