Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
