just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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