then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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